Come Find Me?
I wrote you, and I told you to find me in the future. Quoting a film I’ve always associated with love.
I’m allergic to sweetness, but it felt correct. It felt doomed in its rightness.
Knowing I’m too old. Too imperfect. Too far gone.
Painfully unfinished, cracks in the surface, scarred in terrible places, in the joints and the seams.
I’d never wish for you, but how I did. I looked for you before knowing you. I wanted you, knowing that I shouldn’t.
I am so angry. I spent All Hallow’s Eve talking. I told her everything except for you. I woke without a voice.
I wonder if they can smell it on me. Like sharks with blood. Do they see how badly I’ve been saved?
Am I an embarrassment of riches? A phrase I’ve stolen from something literary, something I’m feeling, but cannot articulate on my own.
For things are too good. And I am alone. And tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow shall hurt.
Howl’s Moving Castle || 1227 AZ USA 11.02.25